bummed

I was super excited about Boyd's series of posts on the violence in the Old Testament. I like Boyd a lot and had high hopes. But I have to confess that I'm pretty disappointed.

Now to be fair, he did warn that he didn't anticipate wrapping any easy answer in a pretty little package ... (and I don't think his series is actually done yet) but I did hope for more than what there has been.

Boyd seems to end a lot with this general thought: "Until then, remember that our picture of God is to be rooted in Jesus Christ alone, and our attitude toward enemies is to be derived from Jesus Christ alone."

I like that sentiment. I believed that for a long time. But my question remains .... why. How can we justify that?

Christians use parts of the old testament all the time to define their picture of g-d .... his relationship with David or saving Rack Shack and Benny (I KNOW those weren't their names, okay?) from the fiery furnace, or parts in the psalms. Personally, one of my favorite verses was always the one in Jeremiah (... for I know the plans I have for you ...) though I always just ignored the fact that I took the verse totally out of context to fit my own random scenarios.

But I don't think we get to pick and choose the g-d of our wildest dreams -- conveniently omitting all the parts that don't square with our pretty picture. It's not a cafeteria plan.

And obviously I don't at all think Boyd is suggesting a cafeteria-plan Christianity.

But though Boyd is discussing the questions ... and he seems to look at some possible explanations, I am frustrated that he always seems to conclude, that the answer doesn't really matter. The gross atrocities in the old testament shouldn't affect our faith, because our faith is rooted in Jesus.

It's a nice thought. But our whole image of Jesus that is supposed to define our picture of g-d is rooted in the very same bible that paints g-d in other places as violent, misogynistic and angry. How can we say look at one, not the other? Can we really keep one picture and toss the other one out because it's not helpful or pleasant? To me, it's like wearing blinders ...

And the answer absolutely matters. Or else, why would we even bother asking the questions?

So much for Boyd salvaging my faith in one fell swoop. I was kind of hoping he would do my dirty work for me. Oh well.

PS: This is an interesting article about biblical violence and aggression.

almost

I have been reading this blogger some as of late ... She was a serious Christian for most of her life and now is not. This essay is really interesting. She calls herself "almost an atheist."

Check it out.

lately

I'm not sure I believe in g-d anymore. I'm not sure I don't either. Either way, I still pray. Maybe it's sheer optimism.

I pray differently though.

I pray that someone hears me. That my prayers would fall on the heart and ears of a g-d who is real, and who might actually give a crap about me and the world around me.

I pray that if there is a g-d, it is one with patience for inquiry, uncertainty and cynicism. That if there is a g-d, it is one who might honor an intellectual struggle, and a desire for spiritual integrity. One that does not require blind, unquestioning faith.

I pray that my hopefulness would always outweigh my skepticism.

I pray that I won't screw up my children too spectacularly. Or at least not too permanently while I figure stuff out.

I pray that if there is a g-d, and it is the one I thought I knew before. The one I thought knew me before, that He might meet me where I am. In this moment. In my skepticism, in my disbelief. That He might show Himself in a way I can't mistake or explain away.

That's how I pray these days.